Four little words, that’s all it takes. Yet there’s so much behind each one. So many memories, promises and commitments; you've got to get it just right. How, where and when you pop the question could determine her answer and it’s a moment you’ll cherish together forever.
Whilst it’s such a personal and often private moment between the both of you, there’s many age-old traditions that set the benchmark for marriage proposals. Should you ask the parents first? What if she doesn’t like the ring you surprise her with? While there’s always room for romance, we need to ask ourselves whether these traditions are still practical in the modern world.
We asked over 5,000 people what they thought of some of the oldest conventions and whether they would adhere to each one themselves. The results were certainly interesting!
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So, what did we learn?
Should you surprise your partner when you propose?
Whether you book a table at their favourite restaurant or set up a big event that involves her entire family, the chances are you may have already spoken to your partner about marriage. Only one in three women said they didn't want any input when choosing the ring, which suggests the vast majority would rather forego the element of surprise to ensure they get a piece of jewellery that they truly love.
Just because a woman has helped the soon-to-be groom choose the engagement ring, it doesn't mean that romance has to go out of the window. We spoke to Amy from Mum’s The Law, who says her engagement was very much a joint decision:
“When the time came to think about getting married, Wes knew that I didn't like gold and wasn't a massive fan of diamonds. We looked online together and I made a shortlist to give him an idea of what I liked. We also set a budget together because we didn't want to spend a lot of money on it, as we'd rather use it for the wedding.
“In the end we compromised, I still didn't know which ring he would pick or when he would propose. He ended up picking one off the shortlist, just to be sure! We got a nice balance of tradition and efficiency, and it certainly helped keep the magic but make sure there were no nasty surprises!”
Choosing together doesn't dispel the romance, but it can ease the stress of searching for the perfect engagement ring.
What should you do if the engagement ring is wrong?
It’s the ultimate fear of all proposals. She’ll probably love it… but what if she doesn't? According to our research, there’s a good chance she won’t say a thing, even if she doesn't like it. 42% of the women we asked admitted they would wear a ring they weren't keen on without telling their partner.
So perhaps this is another reason to consult your partner beforehand? In that moment, you want to get everything right, especially the ring. Whilst tradition dictates it should be chosen by you, it does make more sense for many to make it a joint decision.
Of course, simply turning the ring away would be rude, but a quiet word with your partner about how they feel could prompt the discussion. Whilst it seems like an awkward conversation to have, many of the men we asked were open to the idea of exchanging the ring. In fact, 74% of them would be happy to make a change!
Should you ask the in-laws before you pop the question?
Perhaps the oldest tradition surrounding marriage proposals, asking for the father’s blessing, seems to have become a forgotten rite of passage. The majority of men we asked said they didn't ask their partner’s father for ‘permission’. This is most likely due to the fact that it seems like a sorely outdated tradition.
Interestingly, however, it appears to be the younger generation that is actually keeping this tradition alive. Those most likely to ask their partner’s parents before proposing were aged 25-34. Perhaps in their youth they feel the need to impress the family and let them know of their intentions?
The older generation that answered ‘no’ to this question are of course at an age for remarrying, rather than meeting their first love. Perhaps the mystique has gone missing for them? With 74% of 45 to 54-year-olds admitting they didn't ask the father before proposing, it begs the question as to why younger people are still hanging on to this outdated tradition?
So how will you pop the question?
We hope that we've given you food for thought and settled your nerves somewhat. The key is to make your proposal work for you and your future fiancée. If that means agreeing beforehand and surprising her further along the line, then go for it! Away with the traditions that you don’t want to follow, this is your moment together.
